


Savior

by audbooh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Submissive Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audbooh/pseuds/audbooh
Summary: Bright blue light blinded him, and he fell over onto his back, a phantom boot sinking into his chest. His face sliced open, hot blood sliding down his pale cheek. He panted, pain washing over him as his hands burned in the icy snow. Yet, the stirrings of something sparked in his stomach, melting into his core.You did this, a voice seethed, feminine and angry and beautiful. He could feel the flickerings of embers swirling around him, warm skin dancing against his fingertips, anger seeping into his bones. You’re not worthy. The boot pushed into his chest, bruising his skin and breaking his ribcage. It is all your fault.After the events of The Last Jedi, Ben is struggling between light and dark, good and evil. Will he succumb to the darkness, or rise to the light?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares of wrongdoings and fantasies of punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from Rage Against The Machine's "Savior". Its a very Reylo song, and I suggest you listen to the Ghost Note Symphonies version.

_Pain thudded in his side, bringing him to his knees. Darkness surrounded him, and he grasped at empty air. Voices whispered around him, unintelligible, yet judging and harsh. One voice stood out among them, gravelly yet warm._

_“Dad!” he shouted, the sound echoing in this chamber. As desperately as he tried, he could not discern the words that his father was speaking. The voices grew louder, angrier, berating. They spoke of his lightsaber embedded in his father’s chest, of the flames licking his uncle’s temple, of the atrocities he committed, guided by his master’s shrivelled hand._

_“It wasn’t my fault!” he begged, tears streaking down his face._ All your fault, _the voices whispered._ It was all you _. He tenderly placed his hand on his side, sharp pain spiking at the touch. His hand came away red and bloodied._

 _Bright blue light blinded him, and he fell over onto his back, a phantom boot sinking into his chest. His face sliced open, hot blood sliding down his pale cheek. He panted, pain washing over him as his hands burned in the icy snow. Yet, the stirrings of_ something _sparked in his stomach, melting into his core._

You did this, _a voice seethed, feminine and angry and beautiful. He could feel the flickerings of embers swirling around him, warm skin dancing against his fingertips, anger seeping into his bones._ You’re not worthy. _The boot pushed into his chest, bruising his skin and breaking his ribcage._ It is all your fault.

\---

Ben gasped, arching forward, sweat sticking to his skin. He couldn’t breathe, could only sit in the darkness of his chambers as he tried to remember where he was. Ben took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts as he gripped his sheets. He was in his chambers, he wasn’t in pain, he was okay.

Ben pushed back the sheets, swinging his shaking legs over the side of the bed. He could still hear the echoes of the voices in his head, taunting him. Ben made his way to the fresher, stripping off his sweat-soaked pants as the sound of the water pounding the floor filled the bathroom. He stepped into the spray, hissing at the heat of the water pounding on his back. 

_You’re not worthy_.

Ben’s hands formed into fists, fingernails biting into the skin of his palms. The water burned, sending steam swirling into the air. His chest heaved, and he laid his hand on the cool durasteel wall. _Not worthy not worthy not worthy all your fault all your fault all your fault—_

His fist collided with the wall, cutting open his knuckles, blood seeping down his pale skin. Pain shot through his arm, and he pulled back, gritting his teeth to keep from shouting. Ben leaned back against the opposite wall, sliding down until he was hunched over, holding his bleeding hand to his chest. Traitorous tears slipped down his face, and fire sparked in his belly. His knuckles stung, the pain washing away the anger and the hurt. Ben leaned his head back, focusing on the pulse of pain in his knuckles with each heartbeat.

\---

“Are you listening, Supreme Leader?” Hux’s snivelling voice cut through Ben’s thoughts, and he sat up, fixing the general with steely eyes.

“Continue, General Hux,” Ben said, waving away Hux’s platitudes. Ben knew that Hux was dangerous, that he might rise against his Supreme Leader, but for now, Hux was compliant. Ben left most of the running of the First Order to Hux, only commanding when he had to. He hadn’t thought about the difficulties of leading the First Order when he had pulled that lightsaber through Snoke’s waist. 

No, he hadn’t been thinking much, knowing that Snoke had to die but not knowing how. He had been drunk with victory afterwards, taking in the sight of Snoke’s cleaved corpse in front of him. 

He had been so blind, so hopeful. Hope was a mistake, he knew that now. There was nothing but the darkness, the need to fill the emptiness inside himself. Nothing could save him now.

“Supreme Leader, my scouts have found an abandoned Jedi temple in the Mid-Rim. We could reach it in two weeks,” Hux’s voice was steady, almost cautious. Ben felt that spark of anger within him. He was not a child, someone to be danced around. He would rather that Hux defied him openly than sneak around him, sowing dissent. 

“Chart our course, General.” Hux nodded, eyes narrowed, lips slightly upturned. 

\---

Ben panted, eyes screwed shut as he furiously stroked his member. His knees ached from resting on the cool floor, his head leaned against the edge of the bed. Ben bit his lip, heat coiling in his belly. His heart thudded in his chest, his body tensed as he continued to pump himself. 

_Rey, standing over him, eyes furious as her face is painted in blue light. Hesitant fingers brushing against his, gasping as they touched. Her hand gripping his thigh in the heat of battle._

He imagined her with him, kind eyes and warm smiles, one hand cupping his face as the other slid down his stomach, firmly grasping his manhood. She would whisper to him in that beautiful voice, tell him that he was hers. She would plant those lips on his cheek, his neck, his mouth, as she pumped him harder, her breath hot on his ear. 

Ben’s hand moved faster, sparks flooding his core and heat rising through his body. He groaned, clenching his jaw as he curled into himself. He breathed out Rey’s name, fighting to keep the memory of her eyes in his head. Her hand would pull on his hair, her nails would leave red marks on his back, he would kiss between her thighs until she was urging him with each yank of his hair. She would tell him that he wasn’t worthy of her love, that he had to beg for it, her eyes shining with darkness that threatened to overwhelm him. He needed her, needed her like fire needed wood, like the oceans needed their moons. Ben’s breath stuttered, the desire within him growing until his mind turned blank, until all he could think of was the heat between his thighs and the edge he was racing towards. 

“Please, Rey, please,” he murmured under his breath, pleading with himself to fall over the edge, to give himself away to pleasure. His hands shook, his strokes uneven and fast, his body tensing. 

_Ben_.

He gasped, entire body shuddering as he spilt onto his hand, his other hand gripping the sheets as he pressed his face to the bed. His moan was drawn out of him, guttural and low as he lost the capacity for thought, flooded with pleasure. Ben’s body stuttered, the pleasure leaving him buzzed and warm. He grabbed a nearby towel and wiped his hand of his seed, legs shaky as he stood, glancing behind him.

There was nobody there. 

\---

Dry and dead brush crunched under his boot, dark clouds gathered overhead, the wind brushed through his hair. Ben’s grip on his lightsaber tightened as he made his way through the dead forest. There was a stillness in the air, as if the entire planet was holding its breath, waiting for the right time. The Force here was subdued, quiet, and yet there was a darkness to it. Ben sighed, breathing in the dry air.

He’d elected to go alone on this journey, despite the protests from Hux. It was hard for him to connect to the Force when there were dozens of stormtroopers bustling about. When Hux had tried to bring up security, Ben had ignited his lightsaber, staring into Hux’s illuminated face. The general had backed down after that, eyes seething with anger. 

In the distance, ahead of the dead trees, was a pyramid structure, dead plants covering it in a peculiar pattern. Ben trekked onward, moving against the harsh winds, brushing past the crumbling trees. It reminded him of a graveyard he had seen in the Outer Rim, unorganised and primitive, with only carved sticks marking the graves. A forest of bodies.

The pyramid towered before him, a monument to the Force and all of its mysteries. Ben walked up the steps, his legs straining with the activity, until he reached the large entrance. Inside were rows and rows of archives, circling a meditation circle in the middle. Drawings formed the edge of the meditation circle, detailing the battle between light and dark and the balance one should achieve.

Ben let out a breath, the Force permeating the air, filling Ben with that familiar mystical feeling. He brushed his hands across the bookshelves, his steps light, feeling the bindings of the books. He stepped into the centre of the circle, the drawings around him slightly glowing. _Let the past die,_ his voice echoed in his head. _Kill it if you have to._

Ben ignited his lightsaber, the red blade a stark contrast to the earthy tones of the library, and drove it into the meditation circle. The pyramid shook, books falling off of the shelves as wind gusted through the building. Ben pushed his lightsaber into the ground, fighting against the resistance from the circle. The drawings started to glow red, almost blinding him, and the books tumbled in the air. Voices rode on the winds, whispering and screaming and crying as Ben pushed deeper. His grip on his lightsaber tightened, knuckles turning white and fingers turning red. The drawings flashed, his body thrown backwards as he lost his grip on his lightsaber. Ben couldn’t see, could only cry out as his head hit the ground and everything went black.

\---

_“So full of hatred, young one. What has happened to you, to fill you with such anger? Who has done this to you?”_

_A hand, cupping his cheek, tracing the scar. Fingers curling in his hair, brushing away the soft strands. His entire body ached, his eyes refusing to open._

_“I am sorry. This should’ve never happened to you. You deserved better.”_

_He murmured, his lips numb and heavy. Soft lips brushed against his forehead, his head being cradled, holding him close. It felt like home, like his mother as she held him after he had a nightmare. He relaxed, letting himself collapse into the warm embrace. He took a deep breath, his lungs stinging with pain. The hands soothed him, stroking his hair as he slowly grew tired._

_“Sleep, child. Sleep and dream of a better tomorrow. You will be okay. Remember who you are.”_

\---

Light shined through his eyelids, bright and warm. Ben could smell dusty air, feel the sun on his face, grip the ground with his weak fingers. His mind was foggy, and he slowly opened his eyes, groaning as the sun blinded him. He turned to his side, pushing himself up into a sitting position. Blood seeped from his nose, dripping onto his lips and staining his tongue with the taste of metal. 

The pyramid was gone, collapsed into itself and crumbled into a hole. Dead vines weaved through the empty space, crumbling trees already growing from the pyramid’s corpse. The books and meditation circle were nowhere to be found, only his lightsaber, unignited, where the steps stood moments before.

Ben stood up, muscles groaning at the movement, and grabbed his lightsaber. He stared at the pyramid, his stomach twisting into knots, hands curling into fists. Ben took a deep breath, closing his eyes, reaching out for the Force. 

Pain, horrible, deep, gashing pain rushed within him. He cried out, falling to his knees, his nose dripping more blood. He could hear the voices, screaming in agony, crying with anguish, shouting for relief. The Force was bleeding, whimpering, reaching for help. A tear slipped down Ben’s face, leaving a wet trail down his cheek. 

_Why_? The voices called out. _Why have you done this to us?_

Ben closed his eyes, shutting out the cries of the temple. He slammed his fist into his thigh, the pain of his mortal body washing out the pain of the Force. Again and again he punched himself, until nothing was left but the sting of his skin. He collapsed backwards, falling onto the sandy ground, eyes peering at the sky. Ben bit his lip, breathing heavily, blood drying on his skin and bruises blossoming on his thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I go again, with another multichapter fic! This fic is mostly written as a self-indulgent treat, so it'll probably be updated at least biweekly. I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself for this, just relaxing and taking it easy. 
> 
> Thank you to Katara for beta-ing for me! It's a lot of help, and I appreciate it a lot!
> 
> Also, thank you to my sister, who would kill me if I didn't mention her. We did do some brainstorming for this fic though!
> 
> And thank you, Readers! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/audbooh_art) and [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/audbooh-art)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams of another life and bonds that cannot be broken.

Ben dug his nails into his thigh, one hand wrapped around himself as he pumped hard. Hazel eyes dotted in his vision, and when pain bloomed from his fingers he moaned. She’d come here to punish him, his mind supplied. He deserved the punishment, deserved to be a monster, reliant on the mercy of a good woman.

His hand jerked, his fingers deftly working himself, trailing his fingers up his shaft and then pumping quickly down. He bucked his hips into his hands, closing his eyes and scratching down his thigh. He groaned, imagining that Rey was kneeling over him, scratching her nails into his skin and wrapping her fingers around his manhood. 

“Please—kriff—please, Rey, please,” he murmured, slapping the aching skin on his thigh, moaning at the pain. He started to pump faster, that deep heat simmering in his core. If he could only go faster, stroke himself in just the right way, that heat would spread. He bit his lip, panting for breath, groaning as he writhed, every once in a while smacking himself in the thigh. He could hear Rey’s voice in his head, egging him on. _You monster, you aren’t worth it, you deserve the pain, be a good boy for me and maybe I’ll let you release._ Precome started to pearl, and he felt that deep heat spread through his body, down his legs and up his chest. 

Ben cried out Rey’s name as he came, his body shaking and his hips jerking as he worked himself through his release. His mind went pleasantly blank as he writhed against his sheets, his breath caught in his throat. He panted heavily, his chest heaving with the effort, as the sharpness of pleasure faded away and he was left with a warm buzz.

Ben opened his eyes, jaw tense as he looked down at himself, at the small pinpricks of blood on his thigh, at the drying come on his stomach, at the tense muscles of his body. He looked back at the ceiling, squeezing his eyes shut, tears welling, yet refusing to fall.

\---

Ben was in the training room, lightsaber ignited, slowly going through his forms. He breathed in, lightsaber held aloft, sparking and sizzling in the air. Ben sighed once, then swung it, stepping forward and swinging his lightsaber in an arc. He could almost imagine an invisible enemy striking at him, and he blocked the attack, stepping back. His forehead started to bead with sweat as he continued his work, his muscles straining with the effort. His mind went blank as he worked out, blind to everything but the blade. Ben stepped forward, back, blocking, swinging, stabbing, twirling around and repeated it all over again. 

Ben finished the final move in the form, catching his breath as he stood to his full height. His breathing was loud, almost echoing in the room. Ben turned, moving to de-ignite his lightsaber, when he saw her.

_Rey._

She was dressed the same as when he last saw her, sunlight dancing in her hair, hazel eyes wide, eyes darting towards his bare forearms. He wore a tight top, straps attached to his pants to keep them from falling, his scars visible on his shoulders. Her look of surprise quickly turned to anger, eyes furrowing as she crossed her arms. Ben was unable to stop the pounding in his heart, and he quickly turned off his lightsaber and placed it on a nearby table.

“This shouldn’t be happening,” she said, mostly to herself. Her voice was like one of those distant angels Ben had heard of, lilting and soft and everything he had dreamed of. He couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath, the way his eyes locked onto her. It felt like a dream.

“Rey—”

“No!” she shouted, turning away from him, holding her arms close to her. “You can’t do that. I’m not talking to you.” She refused to look at him, and he stepped closer, hands flexing at his sides. He needed to see her, needed to memorise her face so he’d never forget her. 

“You can’t deny this.” Ben was surprised at how even his voice was; he felt like he was falling apart at the sight of her. 

“Leave me alone,” she said, voice wavering. She turned around, eyes alight with fire and rage and something sad that Ben couldn’t decipher. _I need you_ , he wanted to say.

“We can’t break the connection. There’s no stopping this.” Ben took a step towards her, jaw tense, as he watched her reaction. Rey’s arms relaxed, that fire still blazing in her eyes, studying him. He took another step, his heart hammering in his chest so loudly he feared that Rey would hear it.

“I’ll find a way,” she said, and her voice was so full of anger, so desperate. Ben knew then, deep in his bones, that Rey would stop at nothing to dissolve the connection, to break apart from him, to leave him in the darkness. He couldn’t help the way his hands started to shake, balling them into fists as he sucked in a breath. 

_Not worthy not worthy not worthy._

“I’m sure you will,” he seethed, unable to stop the venom from sinking into his tone. “In fact, I’m quite certain that you’ll stop the connection.” Rey’s eyebrows raised, confusion written across her face.

“What are you talking about?” She eyed him warily as he narrowed his gaze, that deep emptiness inside him flaring with rage. 

“The only way to break this connection,” he said, “is to kill each other.” A sort of smug satisfaction coursed through him at her gasp of surprise. _Monster monster monster._ Rey seemed at a loss for words, staring at him with wide eyes. The darkness within his stomach tightened, simmering and egging him on. _All your fault._

“But—” 

“That shouldn’t be a problem for you.” Ben’s mouth moved on its own accord, revelling in Rey’s hesitation. “After all, we are enemies.” He couldn’t move, could only feel that hateful, roaring heat inside of him, tying his stomach into knots with each word that he spoke. Rey looked up at him, her eyes filled with pity, and Ben wanted to punch something, to wipe that pity from her face, to make her hate him until she was striking him down with her lightsaber and he would finally feel peace. 

Rey faded from his vision, leaving him alone in the training room. His chest heaved, that blazing inferno raging inside his stomach. He ignited his lightsaber and sliced at the training dummies until they were smoking piles of ash on the floor. 

\---

_Bright specks danced in the midnight air, shimmering around him as the ship jumped out of hyperspace. He relaxed, leaning back in the pilot’s seat as the co-pilot’s death-grip on the controls finally loosened. Ben looked at the co-pilot, face blurred beyond recognition. Where was he? Who was that? His body did not feel like his own, yet was undeniably familiar._

_“Told you it’d be alright,” Ben said, the words spilling out of his mouth. His voice was not his own; he sounded younger, lighter._

_“I’m not sure why I agreed to let you pilot,” the man beside him said, his voice accented and clean. Ben inexplicably knew that this was his master, that he was a Padawan on a mission, though he couldn’t remember what the mission was._

_“There it is,” his master said, pointing to a planet, grey and rotting, circling a dwarf star. Ben had never seen anything like it. The star looked to be hovering on the edge of collapse, shining white. Ben glanced at the console, scanning the star. It was clinging to warmth, its temperature a fraction of a degree above absolute zero. It couldn’t create warmth anymore, was only a swirling collection of hypercompact trace materials. Ben felt ice spread through him, unable to keep his eyes off of the star._

_“What is that?” Ben said, his voice shaking. His master glanced at him, then turned back to the star, mouth set in a thin line._

_“That, my Padawan, is a dead star,” he said, his voice grim. Ben tore his gaze away from the star, glancing at his master with shock._ A dead star? _Was that even possible?_

_“Stars can die—?”_

_“It is the way of the universe, which is another manner of saying it is the will of the Force,” his master said, the light from the dead star bathing his face. “Everything dies. In time, even stars burn out. This is why the Jedi form no attachments: all things pass. To hold onto something—or someone—beyond its time is to set your selfish desires against the Force. That is the path of mystery, **Ben** ; the Jedi do not walk it._” His master’s voice was garbled, a deep, booming voice speaking Ben’s name in replacement. 

_Ben turned back to the dead star, ice freezing around his heart and chilling him to the bone. His master’s words echoed in his head, his heat frantically beating against the cage that enveloped it._ All things die. Even stars burn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter, a new semester of college started and I've been swamped with work. But here's chapter two! I know it's a bit short, but the next chapter will be longer. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Thank you to Katara for beta-ing for me! I know its a lot of work, and I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who reads all of my work without fail. I don't know what I would do without you by my side.
> 
> And thank you, Readers! I've been a bit busy, but I'll start to try to reply to comments! Every comment and Kudos helps so much. See you in around two weeks!
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/audbooh_art) and [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/audbooh-art)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meetings of different tension and visions of clarity.

Ben could feel it. The ripplings in the Force, the echoes thick in the air. He glanced to the side, watching Hux’s eyes narrow at the sight of the structures before them. The First Order spies had gathered intelligence about a Resistance base, how they were hoping to gather dissidents and recruit them to the Resistance’s cause. But as the docking shuttle had flown closer to the base, Ben had sensed it. The base was empty, abandoned quickly, leaving the bones of the Resistance behind. 

The sound of Stormtrooper boots, stomping in uniform, deafened Ben’s thoughts. Hux shouted orders at the garrison of Stormtroopers he had brought, and they all divided up, going to search the base. Ben watched the flashes of white pass him by, taking a deep breath and opening himself to the Force. 

He could feel the desperation, the fear, the determination of the Resistance members who used to live here. Ben looked deeper, searching for that mixture of energy within the Force. _There._ A remnant of Rey’s Force signature, deep within the base. Ben opened his eyes, narrowing his eyebrows at the entrance to the base.

“Follow me,” Ben said, then, not bothering to see if Hux listened, stomped into the Resistance base, passing by groups of Stormtroopers taking inventory of the items left behind. He followed the trail the Force left behind, stalking the halls of the base until he stopped at a passageway.

“The command centre is ahead,” Ben said, turning to Hux who urged his Stormtroopers forward. Ben could feel a pull, twisting around him and whispering in his ear. _Go left._

“Supreme Leader—” Hux started, but Ben raised a hand.

“Go on without me, General. I have more important matters to attend to.” Hux’s eyes burned with fury, but he wisely nodded and left. Ben felt himself stepping towards the left, watching Hux disappear behind durasteel doors before he quickened his pace.

The pull, surely the Force, hurried him, nipping at his heels until Ben was almost running. He passed by countless doors, each identical to the last, and yet he knew they were not the one the Force was pulling him towards. He finally stopped, standing in front of an unassuming grey door. Ben did not know what was behind it, he only knew that the Force called him to it, whispered to him, _come on in._ The door slid open, empty and cleaned out, abandoned like the rest of the base. But there was a strong energy in the Force, its presence brushing against every corner. It was unmistakable. 

This was Rey’s room.

Ben found himself touching the bed frame, fingers brushing against the cool durasteel, imaging her fingers tracing the same spots. She had been here, not too long ago, standing where he was standing, breathing the same air he breathed. 

When Ben turned, Rey was standing there, eyebrows lifted in surprise, mouth set in a thin line. _This isn’t real,_ was his first thought. But then Rey locked eyes with him and he knew that the Force had connected them once again. Was this why the Force had brought him here? If so, Ben thought bitterly, it was wasting its time.

Rey didn’t speak, only stared as he took a step towards her. There was a peace in the air, almost like a truce, that Ben somehow knew would be broken if they spoke. So he said nothing, only waited, his traitorous body begging him to touch her. He could remember her fingers grazing his in firelight, her hand gripping his thigh in the midst of battle. Rey’s expression held a thousand emotions: pity, anger, hope. They were dangerously close; if both of them took another step they would be touching. He could see the freckles dotting her face, the green in her eyes, the red of her lips. Ben remembered what she had said, how she had promised to break their connection. _Break me_ , he thought before he could stop himself. _Break me in half and leave me in the dust._ Rey’s eyes darted to his lips, then she looked up at him through dark lashes. Did she know what she was doing to him? 

It was the elevator in the _Supremacy_ all over again. _I’ll help you,_ she had whispered, looking up at him with those eyes. She didn’t know how close he’d been to pulling her against him and kissing her. How her lips would touch his, how she would smear her light against his mouth until he was blinded. He wouldn’t be able to resist her. And now here she was, that same look in her eyes. But this time, he knew she would not turn, would not give up what she had fought so hard for. This connection between them, the way they broke down barriers, could only end in pain. And yet, he was helpless against it. 

Something flickered in Rey’s eyes, as if she had reached the same conclusion he had, and she stepped back, crossing her arms. Ben panted, out of breath from their proximity. Rey clenched her jaw, taking a deep breath. _Please_ , he wanted to shout. _Come back._ Rey turned away from him, then blinked out of existence, the Force snapping shut their bond. Ben’s legs wobbled and his fingers trembled. 

Rey was not weak, not susceptible to their connection. She would close it, she would step away, she would forget their bond. She would do what Ben could not. And he would be left gasping in the dust, unable to breathe without her.

\---

_Ben stood over a helpless corpse, head rolled away from body, a final plea frozen on those cold lips. He couldn’t bear to look, but he couldn’t look away, eyes fixed to the severed neck and the frozen head. This wasn’t a dream, he realised, this was real and he had done this, he had killed a man who had been helpless to fight back. The dead man’s lightsaber rolled from his fingers, clattering onto the floor._

_“I—I couldn’t stop myself.” And as the words left his lips he could hear how hollow and obvious the lie was._

_“You did well,_ **_Ben_** _.” An old voice said, warm and comforting. “He was too dangerous to leave alive.” From the Chancellor’s lips, these words sounded true. But when Ben repeated it in his head, he knew that his mentor’s truth was one he could never make himself believe. His shoulders began to shake, tremors that threatened to spread into the rest of his body._

_“I shouldn’t have done that,” Ben said, voice steadying as spoke. He looked down at the corpse again, knowing one simple fact: he’d become a war criminal. Guilt hit him, wrapping around his heart and squeezing, hanging on his shoulders, crushing him. “It was wrong.”_

_That was the truth. He had lost himself to the fire, the cold fear gripping him, the dying star burning in his brain._

_“Nonsense,” his mentor said, calm and collected, bathed in shadows where he sat. “Disarming him was nothing; he had powers beyond your imagination.” That didn’t matter, Ben knew. This was wrong._

_“It’s not the Jedi way,” Ben said, breath shaky._

_“Did he deserve mercy more than the Sand People who tortured your mother to death?” His mentor’s words cut through the guilt, reminding him of how he had lost his mind. The Tuskens had been killed, slaughtered, massacred—but that had been beyond his control. The man before him had been murdered. By him. On purpose. He had looked into his eyes, and coldly decided to end that life. He could have been good, chosen the Jedi way._

_But instead, Ben thought, staring at the severed head, instead he had chosen death. He could never take this back, never get a second chance._

_And he wasn’t sure he even wanted one._

\---

His breath was still shaky as he sat, legs crossed in front of him, hands resting on his knees. The dream had felt so real, like he was there, standing in front of the corpse as the shadow whispered to him. But it couldn’t have been real. It had mentioned the Jedi. But they were dead, moulded into legend. The dream must’ve come from the Force. 

So Ben sat, steadying his breathing as he fell into a meditative state. He had always struggled with meditation, unable to sit still, unable to quiet that slithering voice in his head. His uncle had frowned at him, urging him to concentrate, focus on the Force within him. His uncle never understood.

It was easier to slip into a trance now that Snoke’s whispers were out of his head. He could feel the Force around him, feel it within him, could reach out and touch it. His surroundings melted away until he could only see darkness dancing with pinpricks of lights.

There was a woman in front of him, beautiful and young, yet her green eyes were very old. She looked regal, dressed in shining metal, the very picture of elegance and grace. Her presence in the Force was strong, unlike anything Ben had ever seen before. She smiled at him, wisdom glimmering in her eyes. 

“Who are you?” Ben asked, hesitant to move, to speak. The woman was otherworldly yet familiar. 

“I am the Daughter, Ben Solo,” she said, her voice soft. “It is nice to see you awake.” Ben remembered her, how she had held him after his collapse at the Jedi temple. 

“Have you been giving me these dreams?” Even as Ben spoke, he knew the answer. “What are they? Why are you doing this to me?” He couldn’t help the anger that seeped through his words. But the Daughter did not seem to mind.

“You are at a crossroads, Ben Solo,” she said, kneeling down and taking Ben’s hands in hers. Her skin was soft and warm. “There is a war inside of you, a war of light and darkness. You must choose, and soon.” The knot in his stomach tightened, twisting and coiling at her words, simmering with heat. 

“And you want me to choose the Jedi.” He stepped back, pulling away from the Daughter and standing up. The Daughter stood as well, shimmering in the darkness.

“I want to temper the anger within you, help you learn what you want. You walk in the footsteps of one like you, one who had to choose. His choice was the downfall of his humanity. Learn from him, Ben Solo.” The Daughter reached out for him again, cupping his face within her palms. It felt calming, comforting. 

“What do you mean, ‘one like you’? Who is he?” Ben asked, staring into the eternal eyes of the Daughter. 

“He was a Jedi, like you,” The Daughter said. Ben forced himself not to recoil at the title the Daughter had given him. He was no Jedi. “Walk his path, learn who he was, discover his mistakes. Let him guide you.” The Daughter’s voice echoed as the pinpricks of lights in the darkness grew, until Ben could see nothing but blinding white. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the Daughter’s hands fade, and when he opened them, he was back in his quarters.

_Listen to the past, Ben Solo._

Ben fell to his knees, hands gripping his trousers as sweat slid down his spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, another chapter! I gotta be honest, this chapter is probably my favourite so far. I don't know what it is, but it just flowed so freely in my head. Sometimes I struggle with writing, and sometimes it just pops out! Also, for you Clone Wars watchers who are like "wait, but the Daughter is dead," don't worry. It'll all be explained ;). 
> 
> How many times can I really thank Katara? Answer: many, many times. Thank you, again, for everything. From the brainstorming to the grammatical corrections, I appreciate all of your insights.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, always. I often bounce ideas off of her while we walk our dogs, and she provides an outsider perspective on the whole thing.
> 
> And thank you, Readers! I know that I write this story for myself, but I love knowing that other people are reading it. Please, don't hesitate to reach out with your comments, critiques, theories, anything! 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/audbooh_art) and [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/audbooh-art)


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